you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
