I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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