i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
