The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
