So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
