Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
