So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
