there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
