we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What a dumb baby whore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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