Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
