I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
