I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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