she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am one with the molecules
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
