I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
