Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
