Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
