i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
