Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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