he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
