We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
