The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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