The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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