Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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