guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
