hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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