Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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