Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
