i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
