Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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