Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
