Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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