we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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