Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A bitchslap is in order.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
