i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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