It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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