Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
