woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
