and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
