When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
