no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
