you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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