if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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