You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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