I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
