Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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