I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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