Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
