Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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