took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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