I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You left your phone here
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