You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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