i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
