i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
