And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
