Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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