Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
