Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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