I met the friendliest cop last night
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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