The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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