my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
