Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
