checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
