yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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