He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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