i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.