You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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